CB Insights lists team problems as the second-most-cited reason startups die, behind only cash (and cash is often the same problem one layer down). Most of those disputes were decidable twelve months earlier. The pairs who do not die in year two have one thing in common: they book a recurring ninety-minute slot and they keep it, especially when the week is on fire.

How to run it

Ninety minutes, booked quarterly, in your calendars.
No laptops. No phones on the table.
A café or park neither of you works from — somewhere the conversation cannot slip back into a standup.
Same five prompts every time. The predictability is the point: the awkward questions stop being awkward after the second or third round.
One person asks, the other answers, swap. No interrupting.

The five prompts

1. The one decision

What is the one decision we made this quarter I would make differently now, and what does that tell us about how we decide?

This is the calibration question. It surfaces whether your decision-making process is getting sharper or staying the same. If neither of you can name a decision to second-guess, you are not deciding enough.

2. Who carried what

Who carried more than their share this quarter, and who carried less? Be specific with examples.

This is the fairness question. Resentment about unequal load is the most common undercurrent in failed co-founder relationships, and it almost never gets named until it is too late. Name it every quarter and the imbalance becomes a thing you rebalance, not a thing you absorb.

3. The acknowledgement

Name one thing the other person did this quarter you have not acknowledged yet. Say it now.

This is the gratitude question. Most co-founders under-acknowledge each other because the work is constant and the wins are granular. Making acknowledgement a forced question breaks the silence.

4. The thing not yet raised

Name one thing the other person did this quarter that is bothering you, that you have not raised. Raise it now.

This is the pressure-release question. If nothing is bothering you, you are not being honest or you are not looking. Either way, worth naming.

5. The twelve-month hypothetical

If we knew right now we had to separate within twelve months, what would we want to have said, done, or documented before that happened?

This is the hardest prompt and the most valuable. It forces you to treat the partnership as a thing that exists on a clock, not a given. The co-founder pairs who survive year three started running this question before they thought they needed to.

After the ninety minutes

Write down three things: the commitments each of you made, the one rebalance agreed for next quarter, and the date of the next SOTU (90 days out). Two sentences each. Share the doc before you leave the café.

When to escalate

If the conversation has been deferred for eighteen months or if one prompt reveals a break you cannot close, bring in a third party. A board member. A trusted advisor. A founder-specialist therapist. A broken partnership in a funded company is a workout session, not a workshop — treat it with the severity of a financial restructure, because that is what it is.

A co-founder relationship is a contract, not a vow. Contracts get renegotiated. The ones that don't get renegotiated get broken in public, at the worst possible time, and usually in the hearing of your investors.

Template from Marga Haus · margahaus.com/resources · Adapt and use freely. Attribution appreciated, not required.

Co-founder state-of-the-union — quarterly prompts